The Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 (as of November 10th, 2015) Reviewed

Now that the charts have significantly shifted to the point of granting us a brand spanking new Top 10, he time has come once again to dive into the wild world of the pop charts and pick apart the biggest songs in the galaxy.

The rules are the same as last time, so let's cut the bullshit and get to the fun stuff.

#10: "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" by Meghan Trainor feat. John Legend

And... of course we have to start with Meghan Trainor.

Now, I'm not exactly what one would call a fan of Meghan Trainor's. I'll save my full rant on her for another day, but believe me when I say it's not exactly gonna be pretty.

Like I'm Gonna Lose You is not one of Meghan Trainor's worst songs per se, but that's not really saying much as Like I'm Gonna Lose You is still painfully weakened by her performance. Her other hits have a long, long list of problems and things that just irk me, but Meghan Trainor's vocals, while consistently pretty terrible, probably wouldn't make the Top 10 worst things about any of them. But here, Meghan's performance is what sings the whole song because Trainor's voice is one of the most annoying things ever.

In fact, this song brings in fellow and much better pop singer John Legend for a guest spot, and he blows Trainor out of the water on this track so hard it's not even funny. His smooth crooning fits this type of song much better than Meghan's obnoxious voice. It's never a good sign when the guest star completely outdoes the main star.

That said, believe me, I'll take this over All About That Bass, Lips Are Movin' or fucking Dear Future Husband any day of the week. Like I'm Gonna Lose You is a painfully weak song, but it does have the beneficiary of lowered expectations working for it, so I guess I can be thankful this isn't as bad as her other songs. Take from that what you will.

5.5/10

#9: "679" by Fetty Wap feat. the Remy Boyz

If there's any artist I didn't expect to become one of the biggest hit-makers of this year, it was Fetty Wap. I heard Trap Queen for the first time, instantly labeled him as a one-hit wonder worth ignoring and merrily went on with my life.

But, the pop universe is strange in that way, and as a result, we get 4 top 10 hits from this guy in the same year. Yipee.

Now, as far as current mainstream rap goes, Fetty's not the worst guy out there. When we have stuff like Nicki Minaj, Rae Shremmurd, Young Thug, Lil Wayne, and countless viral dance crazes poisoning the well as is, Fetty Wap is barely a blip on the radar, completely harmless. His songs are hardly ever objectionable or horrid, just either painfully boring or painfully annoying.

679 falls into the former category. As far as trap-infused brag rap goes, 679 is incredibly standard. The only unique thing about this song and, well, most Fetty songs is his voice, and outside of that it's pretty paint-by-numbers. Not horrid or offensive, but really not worth listening to more than maybe once.

5/10

#8: "Wildest Dreams" by Taylor Swift

Wildest Dreams is a song.

That's about all I got. Wildest Dreams is one of the most aggressively average songs I've ever heard.

The production is OK. Taylor's singing is OK. The lyrics are OK. Everything about Wildest Dreams is just so passionately, blisteringly, deeply OK. It's the pinnacle of passability, the tippity top of tolerable, the epitome of "eh".

Yep, Wildest Dreams exists. Man, does it exist.

5.5/10

#7: "Focus" by Ariana Grande

Remember Problem? That song from last year everybody liked then suddenly nobody liked?

Imagine if they took that song and remade it, except 500 times worse. Oh wait, they did, it was called Focus.

Focus is a mass clusterfuck of the worst traits of Ariana Grande's worst songs. The horribly obnoxious beat, the overt to the point of borderline creepy sexuality, Ariana's horrible attempts at falsetto, and a chorus that sounds like someone just found whatever they could in the studio and banged something out on it, this time in particular apparently being cooking utensils... yeah, all there.

And don't even get me started on Jamie Foxx, who provides the chorus opening line "focus on me" (or, more accurately, "FOKIS OWN MEH") in the voice of a dying donkey whose presence is completely unnecessary. 

In conclusion, Focus is one of the biggest trainwrecks to hit the chart this year. Horrible, across the board, and I'm sure it'll be rightfully forgotten by the end of this month.

3/10

#6: "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes

I really like Shawn Mendes. His music is pretty genuinely charming and nice as far as pop stars go, and his blend of very folky acoustic instrumentation and stomp-clap percussion gives his songs a raw, natural feel to them that makes his stuff really enjoyable. I'd say I'm definitely a fan of the guy.

All that I said can be applied to Stitches. Stitches is a very nice song. Again, the combination of folky acoustics and stomp-clap percussion gives the song a raw, rustic vibe, it's very pleasant and mellow, as opposed to large and adventurous like, say, Something Big (also a very good song). Stitches is a more smooth, chill song, one that I like to see charting.

It's a good song, and I hope to see more of Shawn Mendes in the future, guy's got some real potential.

7.5/10

#5: "Sorry" by Justin Bieber

Oh... hi, Justin Bieber.

Yeah, remember Justin Bieber? That annoying little kid turned unavoidable pop phenomenon that we'd all wiped from our collective conscious 2 years ago?

Yep, he's back, and... he's improved. Like, a lot.

Now, circa 2010 Justin Bieber was not the worst horrific tragedy in the history of the universe like the Internet would have you believe, but that doesn't mean he still wasn't awful, because he was. Very much so, as a matter of fact, and as the early 2010's became the early-to-mid 2010's and Justin Bieber completely flew off the rails in both his music and his personal life, it was safe to say the reign of Bieber had ended.

But now he's back, and his new material is actually not so bad. In fact, in some ways, it's actually kind of good.

Take "Sorry" for instance. Bieber's vocals have improved drastically (his mid-20's lower range is much more tolerable than his adolescent falsetto-whine), and it fits well with the production (provided by Skrillex of all people), which itself has a nice, tropical-house vibe to it. I could actually see myself sitting down and listening to this.

Make no mistake, Sorry is not a masterpiece by any means, the lyrics are pretty lame, and I could very easily see how someone could call this boring or bland because it kind of it at points, but for Bieber, it's a definite sign of improvement, so you know what? I'll take it.

6/10

#4: "What Do You Mean?" by Justin Bieber

Oh... hi again, Justin Bieber. Fancy seeing you again.

A lot of what I said about Sorry also applies to What Do You Mean, but I feel each aspect is done a bit better here. The production is more captivating, Bieber's voice is more controlled, little details are more touched up and make What Do You Mean a better overall product than Sorry.

It's a decent song, and definitely one of his best. Bieber actually has quite some potential now, and I'm excited to  see if he can really reinvent himself into a great pop star.

We'll see, and What Do You Mean, while still not great, does show a lot of promise. Not bad. Not bad at all.

6.5/10

#3: "The Hills" by The Weeknd

When I first saw this song on the charts and listened to it for the first time, I was stunned. The fact a song this... dark and non-radio friendly was becoming a massive hit was something I'd never seen before.

But I cannot be more grateful for this song's massive success because it is incredible.

The Hills is one of the most powerful pop songs I have ever seen chart. The production creates a dark, slow, haunting atmosphere with the Weeknd's smooth falsetto creating a very effective contrast, building up to an explosive climax in the chorus, where the singer screams out in his twisted, sick state of mind, painting a sinister, messed-up character and a fascinating look into his twisted psyche, only growing more dark as the bridge comes around, the soft piano line and chant-like repetition of "the hills have eyes" pulling you into the dark before exploding into one massive, final chorus.

The Hills is an explosion of psychotic confusion, debauchery, sexuality, and rage, and I love it. It's one of the best songs to chart this decade, and I cannot praise it enough. It's just fantastic.

9.5/10

#2: "Hotline Bling" by Drake

Ah, Drake. The meme king of 2015.

Drake has been absolutely everywhere this year, with 2 mixtapes, multiple hit singles, and an upcoming full-length album, Drake has cemented himself as 2015's biggest music star.

One of his most noteworthy and meme-worthy songs to date comes in the form of Hotline Bling.

Too bad it kinda sucks.

Hotline Bling is your standard "I used to love you and we broke up and you're seeing other people now and I'm jealous" storyline, and I'm sorry, but I cannot sympathise with Drake's plight at all. His lyrics just make him seem whiny, like an ex seeing other guys is this horrible existential crisis and it's just kinda petty.

And the beat is pretty generic, nothing really all that special, just a boring rap beat, and Drake's monotone delivery doesn't help matters.

In conclusion, Hotline Bling is a good meme. I'll admit it, I like memes, and I've seen some pretty funny stuff done with this song, from Wii Shop Bling to the various dance videos... it's a good vessel for the Internet to make some rather entertaining stuff with.

But as a stand-alone track, Hotline Bling falls completely flat on its face at just about everything it tries to accomplish.

Sorry Drake, but I don't think I'll be calling this cellphone back any time soon.

4.5/10

#1. "Hello" by Adele

Adele is back! Praise the pop gods, tell all your friends and family, Adele is back and as amazing as ever!

In case you were living in a cave in the cold wilderness throughout 2011 and 2012, for those two years, Adele was everywhere. Her songs burned up the charts, she won dozens of awards, she was a household name, and she deserved every bit of it. Adele is one of the best vocalists and songwriters in recent memory. Her gorgeous orchestral and piano-driving instrumentation back her in most of these songs have her music an emotional swell that most pop stars simply did not possess, and her vocals were some of the best the pop world has ever seen. Songs like Someone Like You and Skyfall rank among some of the best songs of this decade.

And as Hello proves, she's still got it. The massive, sweeping, gorgeous instrumentation, Adele's pained, vulnerable vocal delivery, the borderline poetic lyricism... it's all there, and it's all in top form.

Hello has a very distant, cold feel to it, and it works phenomenally well for such a regret-tinged tone of misery and pain. It's one of Adele's most emotionally effective hits to date, and if we can see her  create more things like this, maybe even unfluencing more artists like her to get big, having her back is going to make for a great 2016.

Hello is fantastic, plain and simple. A great fit for #1, a fantastic way for Adele to re-introduce herself into the pop world.

Bravo.

9/10

And that's it, thank you all for reading. Next we'll be doing something a bit... different. You'll see.


I'm FlamingScribblenaut, and I'll see you all next time.

The Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 (as of August 4th, 2015) Reviewed

Ah, the pop charts.

No doubt a major piece in the world of music. The definitive measure of what's popular, what's trending, what's "hot", as it were.

They're a vessel for good music and bad music alike, from songs that sadly drop from the public eye too quickly to songs that never go away. And no more do we see of the latter category then in the Top 10, the cream of the crop, the biggest of the big.

And if you're going to get overplayed to hell and back, you'd better have a damn good song to justify it. Sometimes this is the case, others... not so much.

Which is why today I'm marathonning the whole of the current Billboard Top 10 and reviewing and scoring every single song. Because why the fuck not.

I'm only going to be doing this each time the Top 10 becomes completely different from the previous time I did this, as to avoid having to repeat myself.

With that said, we got 10 songs to get through, so let's get it done.

#10: "Shut Up And Dance" by Walk The Moon

I'd say we're off to a pretty good start.

I can't even form a coherent paragraph on why Shut Up And Dance is so great, there's so much to absolutely adore here.

Reminiscent of The Killers' golden-age work? Check. Undeniably happy and cheerful? Check. Catchy and infectious as all fuck? Check. An actual rock song? Check.

The fast-paced guitar work, the colorful 80's-ish vibe, the stomp-clap percussion, the epic synth-guitar solo near the end, every waking moment and aspect of this song is glorious.

This is the feel-good dance hit of the year. Not Uptown Funk, Not Honey I'm Good, this. It's the ultimate party song in every sense of the word, and as a song itself, it's basically perfect.

9/10

#9: "Fight Song" by Rachel Platton

At first, I didn't care about this song.

But after a few listens, I still didn't care about this song.

And now that I've heard it many times and have given it plenty of time to sink in, I can now say that I actually, definitively, do not care about this song.

The reason I find nothing to care about in Fight Song is because Fight Song is a song that gives me nothing to care about. It's just another lame, bland empowerment anthem, but unlike other standard empowerment anthems like Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson or Brave by Sara Bareilles, it implies no struggle (like the former does) and isn't even directed towards the audience thus motivating them (like the latter).

No, Fight Song is a song about Rachel Platton telling you how great she is. The central concept of this song is "I am awesome." That's it. Nothing for the listener to think about, no conflict, not even good instrumentation to back it up and at least allow you to join in the "I am awesome"-ness (see: Uptown Funk), just a long, excruciatingly boring series of "I'm so great because I'm empowered or whatever" cliches. That's probably the best way I can describe this song: cliched.

I don't care for bland female empowerment anthems in general, but at least a lot of them have more substance than this. This is 3 and a half minutes of musical nothing. No thanks.

4/10

#8: "My Way" by Fetty Wap feat. Monty

Fetty Wap is... interesting to say the least. 

I mean I'll give him this, he's certainly unique. I don't think I've ever heard a rapper have a voice, flow, or even style quite like his.

His first entrance into the world of pop music was the mega-hit Trap Queen, which we'll get to in a bit. However, his singles seemed to slowly decrease in quality with each passing one that got released.

And yeah, I'm about to break a lot of hearts by saying I don't like this. Like, at all.

I mean, it's not the most awful thing ever or anything it's just... a mess. A complete disaster.

The production is sloppy and confused, the vocal samples are obnoxious, and Fetty Wap's flow here is the worst it's ever been, and guest rapper Monty isn't much better. Lyrically, it's not really even worth mentioning, it's just standard rap flair, nothing special.

All in all, this song just gives me a headache. It's not Rae Shremmurd or Nicki Minaj bad, but it's pretty bad. Cluttered, confused, and something I never want to hear again.

3.5/10

#7: "Trap Queen" by Fetty Wap

Speaking of Fetty Wap, let's walk about the hit that broke him through.

I gotta say, this song is actually pretty good, at least compared to My Way.

The production is much cleaner and even really enjoyable, Fetty's flow is much better, and his unique style really shines through there.

Even the lyrics are pretty good, as they actually come off as a pretty romantic sentiment towards this girl. Speaking of the lyrics, this song is quotable as hell. Definitely working "hey what's up hellooo" and "sounded like a zillion bucks on the track" into as many everyday conversations as possible.

It's not great, not really anything I'd seek out, but it's enjoyable enough and certainly a step up from My Way.

6.5/10

Also, did you know that Fetty Wap's name literally translates to "Money Money"? It's true, look it up.

#6: "Lean On" by Major Lazer and DJ Snake feat. M0

Now, in terms of the EDM subgenres, trap is one of my least favorites (I'm more of a progressive house and trance person myself), which is why I wasn't exactly too thrilled when artists like DJ Snake started taking over the mainstream electronic scene.

But I gotta admit, his current big hit Lean On... it really isn't so bad.

The production is not loud or overbearing and is actually kind of pretty, the vocals are pretty good and fit the production well, and while the crescendo is pretty weak it's followed by a decent enough drop.

Not a lot to say, it's just a decent song. Not great, but I'll sure as fuck take it over DJ Snake's other song from this year Get Low (ugh) any day. Not too shabby.

6/10

#5: "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

If you had told me a year ago that Wiz Khalifa would make a song that was not only good but absolutely beautiful, I would've laughed right in your face.

And yet, here we are. See You Again, the absolutely fantastic tribute to Paul Walker that turned into a surprise megahit, and thank the music gods for that because See You Again is amazing.

Charlie Puth is the singer on this track, and his emotive performance gives the song a real punch (specifically in the bridge... damn.), and combined with Wiz Khalifa's heartfelt songwriting in his verses make See You Again a truly fantastic song.

Easily Wiz Khalifa's best work to date, and the best rap hit of the year so far.

9/10

#4: "Bad Blood" [Remix] by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

OK, you know what's weird? The remix of this song with Kendrick is clearly the one that charted, yet at least where I live, the only one that ever gets any radio play is the original. 

And that's pretty unfortunate because while the remix is only a slight improvement, constantly hearing the original got really grating really fast, probably because Bad Blood is one of the worst tracks on 1989. Not quite as bad as Shake It Off, but still.

Luckily, Kendrick helps make the song a bit more tolerable. His verses are pretty technically impressive, and helps make the chorus and bridge a lot more listenable because it breaks up the monotony. It's still far from a good song, and Kendrick can and has done much better, but the remix is somewhat of an improvement, I'll give it that.

The production is a disaster, it's overbearing yet still somehow incredibly weak. Taylor isn't at her most insufferable here per se, but her performance can definitely grate on the ears.

Not Taylor's worst song by a long shot, but an incredibly weak one made only slightly better by Kendrick's presence. Definitely one to skip.

4.5/10

#3: "Watch Me" by Silento

*ahem*

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........

2/10

#2: "Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd

I gotta say, mainstream R&B is in a pretty good place right now, at least compared to the absolutely awful year it had in 2014.

Jason DeRulo is making decent music again, great artists like Miguel are getting a lot of buzz, and to top it off, we have this guy, The Weeknd, probably one of the best mainstream artists currently working.

I wasn't a fan of Earned It at first, but it's really been growing on me recently, and of course I utterly adored The Hills from the beginning and still do (seriously, The Hills is fantastic.), and now we have his new track Can't Feel My Face, a slick, catchy retro tune. And I love it.

The production is tight and funky, and The Weeknd matches it perfectly with his great Michael Jackson-esque performance, making a great throwback tune capturing the best of 70's-80's disco and pop music perfectly.

Speaking of which, I've heard some criticism that this song is a "ripoff" of the likes of MJ, but I personally see it as more of a tribute, a song designed to pay homage to that style of music rather than steal from it.

It's just a damn good, incredibly solid pop song, and while I would've much preferred The Hills, Can't Feel My Face still proves to be a great track.

8/10

#1: "Cheerleader" [Remix] by OMI feat. Felix Jaehn

Every Summer should have at least one good charting Summer song, and this year we got a few. From Maroon 5's utter flailing failure at writing a Summer jam in "This Summer's Gonna Hurt (Like A Motherfucker)" to Demi Lovato's decent-to-enjoyable "Cool For The Summer" to the best of the three, this one right here.

Cheerleader is the perfect Summer pop hit. It has everything, breezy, light production, reggae influences, a beachy vibe, and a great R&B vocalist in OMI, and it proves to be a very enjoyable and highly catchy Summer track.

While it's probably not something I'd listen to year-round, for this time of year, it fits perfectly. It's one for the Summer playlists and definitely a great fit for the #1 spot.

7.5/10

And that's my thoughts in the current Billboard Top 10. Thanks for reading, and I will see you all next time.